10 Gross Things That Happen When You Give A Bl0w J0b

0ral s’ex, while not everyone’s cup of tea, is generally a s’exual crowd-pleaser. Don’t ask me why, but something about a warm mouth on your lady- or man-parts just feels amazing — plus, the act can be extremely intimate. For all its benefits, though, there are still a lot of gross things about giving bl0w j0bs. Obviously, there are gross things that happen in bed in general, because the human body is honestly a strange thing, and so awkward situations are bound to arise.

0ral s’ex is no exception, and can be even grosser than penetrative s’ex, simply because your mouth and nose are all up in someone’s junk (and if you have a sensitive sense of smell, things could get ugly). Whether you’re going down on a man or a woman, there are a myriad of problems that can impede your 0ral success. But if you’re a fan of giving head, you might be willing to overlook the more unpleasant aspects of bl0w j0bs, and for that I applaud you.

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Whether or not you’re easily grossed out, there’s a high probability that you’ve had at least one W.T.F bl0w job experience that has somewhat turned you off. Here are 10 of the grossest things about giving a bl0w job — if you’ve ever gone down on someone with a p’enis, these will look all too familiar.

1. Pubes In Your Mouth

Unless you’re fortunate enough to be going down on someone who’s very meticulous about their manscaping routine, there’s a high probability that you’ll end up with a pube or two in your mouth. While it’s an easy fix, it’s also a bit of a mood-killer to have to pause while you fish around in your mouth to remove the culprit. If you choose to tough it out, good luck: Feeling a prickly pubic hair in your mouth during 0ral is pretty terrible.

2. Dry Mouth

Sometimes, you’re lacking in the saliva department, and giving head can feel like you’re a weird human vacuum … not exactly the s’exiest vibe IMHO. Having a glass of water on hand is always a smart move, but when a spontaneous BJ happens, you’re pretty much screwed.

3. … Or Your Mouth Getting TOO Wet

On the opposite end of the spectrum, sometimes you get so into giving head that suddenly you’re drooling and practically drowning in your own spit. While the lubr!cation makes things easier and feels better for them, it’s not ideal to feel like you need to take a breather in the midst of 0ral s’ex.

4. Unpleasant Odor

This problem applies to both men and women, because anyone can have poor hygiene. But picture this: You’re hooking up with someone who just got back from the gym, and whoops they forgot to shower. While a sweaty hookup can be hot, one thing that is not hot is starting to go down on someone, only to realize that their p’enis and/or balls smell awful. Especially if they happen to be uncut, which leads me to my next point…

5. S’megma

I apologize for using such a disgusting word, but it needed to be said. While s’megma occurs in men and women, the buildup of shed skin cells and oils are most common in people who are uncut, because dirt can get easily trapped under the foreskin. For uncircumcised people, genital hygiene is imperative; unfortunately, some simply don’t take this to heart. I’ve gone down on more than one uncut p’enis that straight-up reeked. For the love of all that is holy, please make an effort to clean yourself; I promise I’ll return the favor.

6. Gagging

If you’re talented in the deep-throating department, this may not apply to you. For those of us with a gag reflex, however, bl0w jobs can be tricky. If you’re overly ambitious and try to take a p’enis too far into your mouth, especially for a long period of time, you might find yourself making some less-than-s’exy gagging noises. Some people might be into this, but for the person giving the bl0w job, it feels pretty terrible to choke and have tears streaming down our faces because our gag reflexes are protesting our choices.

7. Spitting/Swallowing

Both options are equally unappealing in their own way. While spitting affords you the luxury of not having to feel s’emen sliding down your throat, it also requires you to get up, mouth full, and find a trash receptacle to spit it into. You still have to taste the s’emen, so you might as well swallow it. But, understandably, that grosses some women out even more.

8. Surprise Semen

Warnings are mandatory, people. Even if you know I like to swallow, it’s always helpful to have some sort of indicator as to when I can expect to have my mouth suddenly full of s’emen. It’s also a necessary gesture because some women (and men) don’t like to have you finish in their mouth. If you’re getting close to o’rgasm, please just ask, “Where do you want me to finish?” so we have the option to offer an alternate location.

9. Pelvic Thrusting

Honestly, nothing enrages me more than when I’m going down on someone and they decide it would be fun to hold onto my head and thrust into my mouth. Unless I ask to be face-f*cked, please refrain. For one thing, it’s likely that I’ll start chok!ng or gagg!ng, which is never a pleasant surprise. For another, it’s extremely rude to be so forceful with someone for your own pleasure, unless the two of you had previously communicated about this. Trust me, I’m flattered that you’re so into the BJ that you “lose control” and get really into things, but please be respectful of my boundaries.

10. Getting Up Close And Personal With Their Balls

I know some people are obsessed with the size and shape of their balls, but from a woman’s point of view, they simply aren’t appealing to the eye. While I have no problem paying attention to balls during s’ex, the fact of the matter is that it’s still a bit disconcerting to see them so close up. Even if they aren’t aesthetically pleasing, I’m more than happy to include them in the o’ral fun … but maybe I’ll just close my eyes.